Hi all, hope your doing well today. So having seen the news today and how children are not getting help untill it reaches crisis point is so very upsetting,

I can say as a family when we got to some crisis points we still did not receive help from mental health team.

Infact we got doesn’t fit  criteria for help this happened for years, Niki finally got seen and put and anxiety meds for a about a year and a half upped at every visit they asked lots of questions but really didn’t give any feed back other than I will see you in six months to which when turning up to appointments medicines were upped.

Niki didn’t engage much with them and was just moving around the room.

It wasn’t helpful at all for her and in a way I was glad when she came off the meds by then I started thinking how can I get her to start talking and opening up about the things she felt, so I did the unexpected and met her from the school bus dressed as bat girl, the look on her face and her scream of laughter., I hadn’t heard for so long. Just hit me I definatley didn’t think it would have the impact it did it was Halloween and something just said do it.

Maybe a sign or just a feeling in my gut an instinct to reconnect.

It worked so well that’s where the idea an inspiration struck me we carried on as normal with her engaging more choosing to spend more time with me and her brother and dad.

Then the end of November came and I went to town I saw Emo in a shop and just was struck to carry on the with the

Different style of engagement, then each day the Elf diary started, and the rest as they say is in the book.

A fun, quirky , book that will make you feel emotions hopefully.

But also a book for raising awareness for these very important issues and lack of services. How truly truamatising the experience is for many families desperately seeking help and understanding as to what is happening.

I hope it reaches other families it doesn’t say all of the things that happened to our family at all, that is maybe for another time maybe another book.  This is an extremely child friendly book doesn’t contain treatments or medical, that is why maybe it will stand out In the Crowd of many families writing about there journeys.

I wanted the book to bring back laughter and fun to our lives and throughout add the things my kids loved at the time of writing it.

Hope it is something others will read and understand it isn’t long deep complicated words as I want it to be for all ages and reading levels.

Something parents can use and read if they notice there children are struggling. A reconnection with kids to parents and parents to Thier children.

Many thanks

Have a beautiful night or day 😀💗

Faye xx

 

 

Good morning all, Friday motivation the weekend is almost here, have fun and make it count, the best time to make the most perfect memories. Today I am full of inspirations the spirit of Christmas hitting my heart with   the force a wrecking ball.

That feeling was helped along by magic radio with their magic of Christmas show, the kids got rick rolled getting in the car their faces a picture there was me sitting in the car singing and dancing.

My kids dominate the radio on the journey to school always disagreeing on what channel plays what volume always seems to be the opposite each other. Not today though I was enjoying my channel too much, and despite the grumpy outward appearance on their faces and the mum it`s September and Niki doing a SOS post

to her friends the car was bubbly , the little smiles on their faces they were trying to hold in because they are supposed to be grumpy teens didn`t hide the twitching’s to the corner of their mouths, they even joined in on what they refer to as my old peoples songs, they didn`t live through the excitement of the 70`s or 80`s so really they never lived that freedom of it the music from the soul the heart that got every dancing singing and mostly happy faces when you just let it out without a care in the world. The drive home was me windows down music loud signing at the top of my voice a movement of freedom from life.

Plus they actually just come in and randomly dance when we are playing them at home, little Jake when he hears Tom jones he just can`t sit still, he will be on his computer and then, suddenly appears.

Until I try to dance with him and then his like I don`t think so laughing his head off.

First we have the awesome gruesome Halloween to do these things bring a childlike excitement, they just make me smile I think that is why I chose to write a children’s book, it`s what you see and feel when your around them their eagerness to learn, the simplistic way they view the world, it`s about keeping their innocence and giving heart`s before any of the worlds issues take it away. They have such a long life to live and experience the wonders of the world.

Our situation with diagnosis and the challenges we have faced have stolen five years of their innocence and childhood, I want them to go into adult hood with a better thoughts of life and that although they have these challenges life is something to enjoy and experience.

As they grow older we teach them the lessons of sex education and societies but do we teach them to love with simplicity, how to grow and develop their own healthy relationships. Meaningful understand of Partner’s needs, and their own in a relationship.

When Niki started dating her Tom right at the beginning of me writing this book, something she mentioned in the car this morning funny enough.

Being able to capture the first moment`s for them something that they will have for ever, was so endearing and sweet. My daughter is growing into this beautiful young woman who is learning what relationships are meant to be they both are beginning to be Intune with each other’s needs.

She is learning to like things he likes and vice versa, she is a little like me romantic at heart and collects things from places they go little photo`s along the way, she has a box I have books of love letters written, photos and music.

Jake is thirteen so relationships are just yucky to him at the moment goodness help us when that changes, he is my son and I want him to learn the same as I do my daughter what is meaningful and how to treat his future with equal respect and to nurture his future relationship. I want them both to grow up knowing that it is not just up to a man to provide and be the strong one, and it`s not just up to a woman to keep home. To have real value real connection, both should equally nature and respect that. I most defiantly want them to understand their own needs mentally physically and emotionally.

Today is going to be great my kids were happy and smiling going into school what more can I ask than that. I sit here writing with a sense of peace I haven`t felt for a long time. This feeling started the other day when I went to my first carers meeting and their I realised it isn`t for me, I am OK doing this on my own with my husband and children, I am strong capable, and using my writing to help keep my mind in this great place.

Emo the emotional Elf is a great book I know, I know the impact it has had on all my family, it is for everyone but also for parent`s who`s kids are nearing the stage when they are not seeing Christmas the way they did when they were younger, it is maybe when us parents also feel that sense of lost, that they are becoming independent and figuring things out themselves,

The part of life for 10 till adulthood where parent have to let their kids make mistakes in order for them to be able to cope as they grow into adulthood, like walking on eggshells and negotiating and the teen hormones and sleepless they go through, until its time to get up and go to school and their suddenly too tired to move.

Now I know there are probably many parents that can relate to some of this stuff, times those feelings by a hundred and maybe you will understand what it is like for an autistic person or someone with anxiety or depression, or disabilities.

You get judged harshly for something you can`t help.

Emo the Emotional Elf is here to change and make a little dent in raising awareness but in a fun kind or nurtured loving way,

To help bring up things your kids may hold inside, and try to deal with on their own feeling they have to, something to break down the barrios that go up between parents and kids when we get to this step in life

Have an awesome day today

Faye xxx

Hi all how has your day been? Ours has been full of good things today.

College or Niki was great she has been learning about osteoporosis and chronic heart issues. We really love that she shares her work with us,

Jake`s has enjoyed all his lessons today, he attended them all. Me I have been cooking up a Greek Pastitsio for my hubby with the help of Emo the Emotional Elf. Emo he held the cook book, put a peg on his nose during the frying of the garlic and onion he has a heightened sense of smell and it can cause a sensory overload. I love to bring a little Greek flare to the kitchen.

Emo could not wait to taste it but I made him wait as it was too hot, always safety in the kitchen, the planning and precision it takes to make it just right, to go with it a healthy salad. Emo loved taking selfie`s with me today. It took the best part of the morning to make but I really enjoyed just forgetting about everything and just cook, besides taking the rubbish to the tip yesterday has left my shoulders sore. I guess any excuse to avoid my ever growing ironing pile. So sure most of the clothes I collect have been looked at and just mixed in with the dirty washing.

This is daily life as a mum, something I thing a lot of parents feel I know my parents probably did, the joy of teenage years I remember it like yesterday trying something on and changing my mind multiple times before settling on the first thing I picked out, the big difference is I earn`​t my pocket money by doing the ironing, when I was a kid took a months’ worth to get me the prized Adam Ant album. It is still a work in progress to get my children to tidy their rooms here. They get over whelmed and don`t know where to start.

The other thing was Jake​s physio appointment had Jake me and the physio laughing, he is having trouble with the pelvic tilt exercises, we are trying to work hard on his physio. He managed to get the tilt right but watching him try to walk with in  this position is comedy gold. His legs look so stiff he could not bend his knees. It most definitely reminded me of when our Josh had to learn to skip for the mayday celebration, the teachers other student`s and us parents tried for ages but he just straight leg skipped. These are things to look back at fondly little challenges that make you smile and laugh together.

The meal was just so nice, warm and cosy, it is just what you need on a cold windy day feel good food.

Today I asked the publishers for some feedback but unfortunately they are unavailable till end September,so I am just going to have to be patient for that. I was reading a news article the other day the Victoria Beckham one with the family in the ok photo shoot, as I scrolled down right under it was an advert with our Emo the Emotional Elf book what a surprise that was for me and Jake, big smiles spread on our faces, I had to screen shot it because I wanted to share it with my hubby Niki and this blog.

My little niece Chloe messaged me and said she can`t wait to read it and is so excited. I really can`t wait to see her and little Sophia and their mum again, and meet my new niece Ruby who is only weeks old, I would just like this cough to go first.

Tomorrow I have my first carer`s get together at the doctors with hopefully my flu shot if that is even possible with having a cold. Defiantly want it done so I don`t pass any flu to those I care for.

That’s all for today I really hope your day has been good if it wasn`t I truly hope tomorrow is fresh and new.

always Faye xx

 

 

 

Please be aware this Is a sensitive posts about metal health. But an important one to me as well as normal update

Hi all, how are you all doing today? So my hubby spoke to me yesterday about me needing to re-edit and check all my work because he said it was full of mistakes, He was right having gone through it I saw how bad some of my posts were and the amount of mistakes in them.

I guess using my phone and writing updates late at night, I am making silly mistakes. Really not what I want considering I want people to take my book seriously and purchase it. Kind of tough hearing it from someone you really love. But you know it comes from their heart and they want you to show your best.

Now while I can`t promise my post will always be without mistakes I can say I take being an author serious, I truly have found an inner peace being able to write about our days, whether they are challenging or awesome. My family means more than I can express with words alone that’s why I love to add the photo`s it is how I see my family. Through a pure heart filled with love.

While the diagnosis or needs haven`t changed how we react to them have vastly changed, I still get emotional, if I feel my children are not shown the understanding and respect they deserve, I still prefer writing to speaking although I will very soon do a video upload because I want overcome that awkwardness.

Niki and Jake have had good days today. Niki has been learning at college about good carers and not so good carers, which is important if she is going to work with children with or without disabilities. Jake has enjoyed all his lessons today.

The book is available to purchase, please remember that not everything I talk about in this blog is mentioned in the book as it is child friendly and written with children`s different age groups and learning levels considered.  it is up to each parent or adult that buys it to know what there child understands, and it is a book to read together or alone if the parent feels they are able too. It has a beautiful funny christmas story for all and some awareness and dedications at the beginning and end of the book.

This could be a triggering part so please be aware if you are sensitive to talking about suicide, because it is important to me to be open with my children on these subjects because they do have anxiety and suffer with feelings of depression.

The first time this topic came up was not long after Jake came home from school he was told by others he talks to that one of their friends had committed suicide and died Jake came and spoke to me straight away this is hard for him to be so open but it is something that I feel is important for him to feel free to come to me with anything he is doing online, or talk about friendships.

The second time was when he walked up the shops with his dad and they saw a man lying on the grass and a lady sitting next to him trying to help, she said he had taken an aspirin od and alcohol., she had called an ambulance who told her they would be to hours.

Luckily   a junior doctor was passing and stopped to help, I just can`t understand how it can take 2 hours to attend surly getting them help and mental health support as quick as possible is in fact something that can save their life, is their life worth so little I mean they did it themselves but why ? lack of support, or not feeling worth it these things really do make me think so much about bringing mental health talk out in the open even if it is uncomfortable. Even if I get only one view it doesn`t matter one may make a difference to someone who suffers alone.

Another thing I have heard said a lot by those that are actually autistic is that people think they are faking it for attention or for likes or views I know Niki certainly gets that said to her often.

Raising awareness for invisible disabilities and mental health will improve the quality of life for many it may not get rid of people’s ignorance on these subjects but it is their not to be hidden away like a dirty secret.

Maybe this post is a little deep but I believe in everything I say or I wouldn`t say it.

I would like to leave the post on a more positive note so hopefully there is a vast improvement on my spelling and punctuation tonight I have taken my husband`s advice and gone back to writing in word so it can help me a little before I post.

That’s how our day has been i have enjoyed being home relaxing with my husband, and I really appreciate his honesty on my mistakes.

Much love

Faye xxx

Hi all, another school week has pasted not without small blips along the way, but a new routine beginning for us all. I must say it`s all pretty exhausting sometimes. My hubby has been fantastic as usual, he has been making me food and insuring i  dont forget to eat, with all the new rushing around to be done i truly think it drives him bonkers sometimes, i try to break it up with my unique goofiness that cracks a smile on his face, and what a smile that is, it makes my heart beat faster.

So diagnosis continues with another added for Niki  and right now as her mum i am trying to keep it all in, she is a star and handled it so well we are just waiting to now see a specialist to get more details. I really hate that my kids have to go through what they do and it is something i cant take away or change, i wish i could take it away and have it myself ,so they don`t have to go through it but i can`t , all i can do is control my reactions to it and be a tower of strength for them, that is always a work in process though, right now my brain is spinning with information, it is sinking in.

Today i am on a night shift the kiddos are fast asleep, and my children are at home with their dad, i hate to leave them especially niki tonight but work is work and to be able to continue to meet their needs it is something i must do, it really helps that i love my work a lot at times like this.

Jake used his old safe space at school today, he was a bit confused over homework and ended up with a thirty minute detention but i had to speak to his teacher as it isn`t possible for me to be in 2 places at once and as niki now is not entitled to transport to get her to the two days so i asked for him to bring it home and he could bring it back the next day. i really don`t want for him to start this term on a negative. As the implications going forward can bring back refusal to go into class, he did come home and complete the homework and hand it in today, he still has to do 30 minute detention in his lunch hour on Monday though.How can i get the school to understand his organisational skills are still developing, one of his challenges, his faces when he got his little face when we got the targets for the year and on the top of the page it said 100% attendance. because the truth is that is the first time in years to see that, for Jake 100% isn`t always achievable so seeing that even if it is only temporary is a As a carer i also have to sort paying bills for Hayley and getting money out of her account to help with that, we had issues with the card today first time in 12 years of working with her, still hopefully that is sorted by the time i have to sort the next lot.

As you can see i blog what it is like for families on the spectrum and other issues, because speaking raises awareness speaking helps us as a family, so maybe it will encourage more people to share their journeys, the really journeys not edited ones because when you share you raise awareness, you learn from others and they learn from you.On wards and upwards we will continue learning the kids needs as we go along a mixture of facts given and finding facts out for ourselves will continue helping to teach my children, to understand themselves and what they can do to learn about their needs educational, physical mental health and emotions.

Emo the Emotional Elf is my go to thing to help me to continue to bring good memories and happier feelings especially for the kids . i am truly sorry if my topic switches at fast paces but this is how my mind works and processes it all. so many different things to think about and do, so many needs to be met. As the saying goes their is never a dull moment in our home.

Many thanks

Faye xx

 

Hi all hope your week is going well,

Been kind of crazy here getting the routines of school going again, Jake has had a settled couple of days, we have tutor parent meeting tomorrow.

So a kind of what to expect over the next term, have yet to meet or have any contact from Jake’s new key worker yet, so although Jake has settled well this is something I want to make sure communication is good from the start definatley something I will be asking tomorrow.

Niki has settled at college and has made a lovely new friend, she came for dinner tonight which was so nice for Niki .

I guess the settling in will really begin next week when all her lessons start she is going to be taking her GCSE maths this year as well as doing her child development and health and social skills. She has been doing her home work and today for the first time in a long time showed us the work she has been doing.

I am still working with Hayley, Tom ,holly and Ellie in fact I have the pleasure of Thier company over night on Friday, I have so much fun stuff planned.

I have been working on my author pages on Amazon and have now set them up on UK, America, France, Germany and Japan.

I want to show that I am very committed to my book and work .and family,

I have not only been working on my own families Emotions but those I work with too.

I see caring as the whole package that in order to be healthy and have a great life you need three basic things physical, mental and emotional health.

Having difficulties in any of them can hinder the quality of life we live.

How we learn, work ,play, thrive. I continue to put in the dedication it takes to become a better author, and getting my book out there for people to get a copy, it will probably get more busy as the month goes on as far as publishing Emo the Emotional Elf, trying to come up with some more catchy inventive ways to bring attention to it.

I had a bit of a forgetful moment today and missed a physio appointment for Jake luckily she was very understanding and re-booked for next week not something that was done on purpose when you are managing so many different things it occasionally happens.

Tomorrow and Friday Niki is at the old college this is where she will do both work experience but also get support with any work and continuing pastoral support while she continues her transition. This has brought up one issue that is transport she has been traveling on transport with support there which was costing us over £450 a year and had support workers on there. They won’t supply it any more told me not to bother applying, the worst thing about it is that although Niki is settling in at the new place it doesn’t change her autism, anxiety tourettes they don’t just suddenly disappeared because she is 18.

Yes her anxiety at the moment s a little more under control, yes she has learned the route home from the local college and can get herself home. But a thirty to forty minutes journey on her own right now is not OK with me.so I now have to get Jake to his school then drive Niki to hers. It is an added issue because I have 2 children both with different needs both with autism and anxiety it is always a worry I will be to far away from either of them when the anxiety kicks in. At that point to stop it escalating they speak to me. We talk it through and they can manage to stay at school.

Have a beautiful night

Love Faye xx

Hello all hope you are doing well, as far as the book is going we are getting some reviews come through now and the feedback has been great so far whether it has been in person or through online messages or reviews left on sites selling the book.

If you have read the previous posts you will see I already shared the Amazon UK screen shot of the beautiful comment and 5* review, W H Smiths as well has 5* review, fish pond a 5* review from someone from good reads that was something I saw today. There were some beautiful comments on LinkedIn.

One which said, “This is a touching and moving book. It`s very good. The author expresses her inner feelings in the face of family, family love, society and interpersonal relationships. One of the chapters in this book resonates with me deeply. It is a book worth recommending to everyone to read. Thanks for sharing”.

Another said,” I have read the beginning and first free chapters so far and I am enchanted”

I am so very thankful for any feedback. I try as I develop more as an author to be real whether I am tweeting, sharing on Instagram, writing posts or articles on LinkedIn or just sharing with family and friends on Facebook give a mixture of everything, the book is our journey through Christmas 2016 and things from our journey before, what I write and share on all of these sites is pretty much the same my book, because it needs to be out there and read, and shared our journey now in real time good and bad. But also amazing silly, fun times, at work at home, while relaxing. I simply can`t ask for a better life than I have because to me this is perfect I have my husband and kids and my family and amazing new friends.

We did have an issue as far as the days of her college and her attendance at her old specialist college, because at Nik`s yearly Ehcp meeting we had in march we all had to come to a compromise as far as Niki`s education this September. I had grave reservations about Niki moving and it not working out then ending up with no education and as a mum, having been through three school moves it is not something I was willing to completely get rid of something that has brought about given Niki a more stable educational environment. Which also helped with her and learning to deal with other things that caused her issues.

So I backed down and allowed the transfer back to a mainstream college which is what Niki wanted because they do the courses, but I also got to keep her at the old college for 2 days to continue with the work she did with other students as a class helper, for one day and pastoral support and help with her other college work she may need.

As you may already know when you have autism and anxiety it is important to know about changes well in advance this is why I have been getting things in place early but made a bit of a mistake about letting the school sort the technicalities out between the two. So at the end of summer term I was told it was sorted, so was expecting Niki to start back at her specialist college this week, Thursday I had to phone and delay Niki’s return by one day as she had to have medical test done, was a last minute cancellation of an appointment meant they could squeeze us in better to get it sorted than in middle of term time. When I phoned the school they hadn`t even set the two days up. For my kids these mistakes can cause a lot of negative thinking to return that is so hard to keep them focused on the positives.

You know losing placements when she was younger and being out of school trying to sort it out, going from one department to another was soul destroying for us all and so much time left out of education.

Imaging having to do it at 18 which is what Niki is now it will get dragged out till so that she is left out again with no chance of getting back in the system. That is why I fought hard to keep the 2 days at her old college because if things go downhill she has a stable school environment to fall back on.

I am just not prepared to gamble it on an off chance it will work.

My husband thankfully took over and sorted the school out today with confirmation that what was put in place to happen is in fact going to happen. It is really Funny how when a dad phones it gets taken more seriously. Then when a mum phones, Maybe it is because he has a no nonsense deep voice, and my voice is more whiny high pitched especially when things get changed last minute and I have all the anxiety come at me. It`s like they do these things an say hey I don’t have to deal with the consequences it`s OK.

Jake went back at 11 am on Thursday and he has had a great start too, like for most kids the first few weeks they are eased in gently, and it is one day at a time, my concerns are defiantly not over exaggerated increased and pressure can cause flare ups of their anxiety, all the tests and trying to negotiate class rules, understand social situations, read peoples body langue and facial expressions.

While having a lot of sensory input, and dealing with other things, it`s a lot for our kids to go through.

But now it is better for us when the children are in full time learning because the stability and routine helps to keep them making the progress they should be. It may take a little longer than it would without the difficulties but they are doing it and my husband and I are just so hugely proud of them.

all my love and best wishes

Faye xx