Emo the Emotional Elf #author #emotions #anxiety #mentalhealth

Hi All how are you today?

Been trying to keep busy and my mind off my mums op today waiting for news is the worst.

Mums and dads kind of have that affect on us not a bad thing but there just there always around good or bad.

Somewhere along the way there is this subtle changed from them constantly worrying about Thier kids, to the kids constantly worrying about them the cycle of life is just a fact.

They still try to protect you from some of life’s truths. As parents get older they begin to fear things more what if this goes wrong, but Thier not always sharing how they feel it isn’t about privacy more of not wanting to worry others so they avoid things.

I must be scary for them sometimes and really tend to play down things.

Our families are pretty complicated and each side has not always faced health issues head on.

I am natural carer, and always Spence things even if others don’t say, it is hard to explain its just this physical feeling.

But of course it isn’t just me I am a strong person, I try to turn negatives situations by replacing with positive, memories. Hayley you never truly no how she is feeling about things she certainly paces more, she is much better at saying if she is worried or sad now.

Obviously mum isn’t living near now so the hospital she is in, is about 3 -4 hours drive plus they have not allowed visitors so that kind of makes the situation alot harder to deal with.

Even if there were visitors allowed it’s mid school term not so easy for me to just get in the car and be there, I have Niki and Jake and Thier needs plus my work with Hayley.

I am Hoping to visit this weekend weather she is still in hospital or home, weekends are easy I can leave the kids with my hubby and I don’t work after 11 on a Saturday.

I don’t have to worry about if a call comes in from a school, that is how it always is just this feeling of being split in lots of directions and missing the important things. While I except this is our life I can’t help wishing my family doesn’t have to do things alone.

You want to be everywhere at once but can’t the situations we are just used to and adpat get up and carry on that’s us all full of resilience taking one day at a time.

Put a smile on our faces tell each other jokes as a distraction just to keep our loved ones from feeling alone and a bit scared.

This time everyone helped we all kepted her company via Facebook talking so she didn’t have to feel alone. We got her even if we are mile’s apart.

How do I get through days like this it is pretty simple I do something else keep busy check up on everyone else.

Makes me feel like I am in someway still helping.

Hayley stayed over last night then today after we took Jake to school I wanted to take Hayley somewhere fun to keep her mind thinking of something else , Niki came with us to

Was fun Bowling and arcade then lunch in town.

It seemed to do the trick here they are bowling ๐Ÿ˜€โค๏ธ

It isn’t surprising Hayley hit the Jackpot on The fidget spinner at the arcade she likes repetitive things.

Niki likes the 2p machine

Them with Thier winning tickets which they changed to a receipt and both shared the prizes they were even doing a Tik Tok together.

We always end bowling days hitting the photo booth to capture the memory for them

The good thing was I won the bowling ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ’—

Lunch in town together by the time

They are Taken with a Wednesday treat day ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ’—

we finnished mum went down for the angiogram.

And after taking girls home and picking Jake up from school mum was back in her room phoning.

A silent breath of relife. For us all

We should know more in the morning about the next step changes to meds she still has to have an MRI done tomorrow this will help with difinitive treatment going forward.

There are days I just simply am quite so I can get through things in my own self calming way,

I know one thing though I appreciate the small things life has to offer every memory I am saviouring and capturing. It’s why I use photos in my book and blogs.

They pop up in my time lines they are in books on Tec everywhere my family surrounds me even if we are apart.

Have a beautiful night

Much love Faye xx