Hi all how are you today,
One of them days 😞💨
It started so well kids were up dressed ready to go to school early, on the school run today was such a happy atmosphere.
I then picked up Hayley’s new meds calcium/vitamin d tablets they are huge, like giant horse pills hopefully she can swallow them ok.
Then on to get my tyre change that went quick and easy didn’t brake the bank either😁
Got back home feeling satisfied with getting it all done in the time it would normally take me to drive to Niki’s Thursday school.
Next getting paper and ink supplies ready for printing some book marketing.
That is when it all turned into a nightmare. One email totally shifting my mindset from I got this to emotional wreck, thought I learnt to control that now but seems that still rears itself when I don’t want it too, pretty angry at myself for that today.😡😡
On first read and I have read it many times it seems the liquidator passed on to a new publisher the rights to my book so you can see why I was blowing steam out of my ears , The rights belong to me and not them.
I phoned them up but they were in meeting I don’t like having to assert rights, but made it clear I am.
The new publishing company were kind and said I did not have to go with them, and re-clarified this.
I will research them more before sending them the digital copy I have received back. This time I am protecting my work.
So having spoken to both it wasn’t how it seems in the email, why they didn’t just say that in the email in the first place it felt like someone was taking my book off me.
Now to explain why it affected me so much, before I wrote it and the diagnosis journey I was this fun loving mum, wife, then the journey started and there was nothing to stop what happened next and when I say this i am talking about the exceptions the long wait times the lack of support , the hospital appointments .
NOT THE DIAGNOSIS
There was this overwhelming sense of failure to help stop my children suffering , other people making decisions about where my kids should be schooled whether I should medicate my kids. What my kids should or should not where.
What support they should or should not have , even how I spent my own money.
I brought my kids up to be kind,caring, loving.
Others have them anxiety lighted the fuse watched the blow. Just so they didn’t have to have them or take responsibility. When they were not with me.
Sorry it’s a vent post but today it all felt like it did then maybe only for an hour but an hour to long.
Stress it gives me crippling migraines and really bad intergestion. I don’t ever want to be in that situation again .
The truth is everyone loses it at some point it is human emotion doesn’t mean I have to like it though.
This book really helped me express all that stress in a positive way and laugh rather than cry, it helped my kids the same way. That is why it is worth everything I have to give to make it successful in its own right.
Now for a massive positive thing .
As promised and on his own accord and following his own time line and eating plan Jake made and ate a pancake,😁👌👏this is something to celebrate as it is a first step to changing his own mindset with food , will he ever be able to eat like everyone else at some point I truly hope so but for now progress is his to own ❤️👣👣👣👣 one small step for him today into many new possibilities tommorrow.
Now I have to admit my poor hubby got the emotion all heaped at him, and it wasn’t anything he did wrong he was just my safe place to let it all out too. And my mum so SORRY😚 guys love you lots. It really wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t in a shop at the time I got the email , it always seems to be i get the worst kind of news when I leave my house.
That’s all for today I feel better now from writting it down.
Much love Faye XX
No picture today blochy eyes