Hi all, how was your day today?
The reason I always start my messages the same. 😀
Most of my posts always start with saying good morning have a lovely day or something similar, there is a very logical and special meaning for it something which is carried into the book as well.
The reason having children who are autistic and who have anxiety, the morning routines of going to school in the past was like a battle field, that is definatley not an exagerration, I had one child who the school put on part timetable and those were days when she wasn’t officially or unofficially excluded and one child who was a school refuser.
Both were having bullying issues at at school which then came home with them and that stress and anxiety they took out on each other sometimes.
They were close but also were temperamental with each other, now I normally like to not talk about that trumatic time for us all because we have all come so far since then.
The reason I mentioning it now is because it was always so intense the school journey, it was never just drop them off and go home it became very complicated, the anger they felt made the anxiety and thought of school to much for them.
There is definatley a difference between Autistic meltdown and a kid having a temper tantrum.
It wasn’t like this when they were at first school but middle school and up wards, I guess that’s really where many kids become more socially aware of differences this is where our journey through diagnosis started and was an upsetting time for us all.
So the reason for the morning hello’s is very simple before it was a nobody speak to anyone situation no goodbyes, Now it is an important part of starting our day with a very positive routine it has taken a while to get here but we made it.
I will say good morning to them, they may grunt a reply till they are fully awake, I repeat it while getting them to hurry along and go through the morning routine,They used to be so stressed out they never said goodbye to there dad just slam the door shouting. Goodness no’s what our neighbours thought, we would get to the car and they would argue over who was having the front seat, because of course putting them together was a big no-no. I always would say to Niki “have a good day” she used to reply “i won’t” 9 times out of ten she would be right of course but that was our new life at that perticular time. Jake would cling and say please mummy I am not safe there, please don’t make me go.
Do you get a little glimpse of what it was like, fast forward to now when I say good morning they say it back even if they are still tired or grumpy, they say goodbye to there dad, Niki usually from the door Jake with a hug , the car journeys have become fun with laughter Jokes and sharing and taking turns who sits in the front.
I say have a good day as they get out and now they both say I will try, and there days have been so much better
The importance of something so simple can have an impact on the rest of the day, a I will try mindset better then I won’t, they certainly share there days with us, a break down of there whole school day if Jake comes out and says it’s been a bad day I ask him to tell me the good bits first then by the time he gets to the not so good bits he isn’t as stressed about them as he was earlier a way of leaving them feelings out of the car or our home.
Our home is so peaceful now. So that is the reason, it is so hard to explain what it was like then to now and all the stuff in-between and behind the scenes to keep things more of a positive outlook, but it is a lot harder then dealing with melt downs and refusal behaviour to communicate.
There are so many things we have done and tried and worked at different points, to cope or improve our days it wasn’t just me as a mum, it was my husband my oldest son , Niki and Jake themselves and obviously our nearest and dearest friends, families colleagues.
Without there support would we still be where we were, i honestly feel apart of something very special is about to occur in our lives we are building a support network of kind caring people around our little family and the results so far have been outstanding. Now it is our turn to give back and emotionally support others so kids get the help they need, parents feel empowered to to continue in meeting there children’s needs, and maybe use some of the things we share with thier families that have worked for us.
We know we are not alone, and neither do you have to be.
Much love Faye xxx
Have a beautiful weekend