Hi all, hope your day is going well.
Today I have been busy sorting marketing supplies for the book event at the weekend.
My biggest worry now is looking out of place because I don’t have the money to really do the things I would like to promote the book and give it a chance to succeed on its own merit.
I have ordered more book marks and purchasing pamphlets, and invested in a roll top banner.
Every little bit of savings plus funds raised by kind donations it feels like I will let others down by not putting my all in. I know I am more than doing that.
It’s almost like being center stage with a light shinning on you and everyone waiting for your voice to come out.
It both excites me and scares me at the same time, my husband helped me out the design for roll banner together as there are some computer programs I am still learning.
I think I am driving him crazy though because it is like I keep talking myself into avoiding things, because they make me really tense.
I never used to be like this before diagnosis journey but since that feeling overwhelmed and panic still hits me.
It’s how I fully learned to understand a little of my kids anxiety, I am really looking forward to the event though
Maybe it’s a little stage fright kicking in, My name is there on the event website next to all these other authors I am wondering if they are feeling the same way, or whether they have something to prove to themselves like I do, and that is my writing disability that has plagued me since childhood will no longer hinder me.
My kids are moving forward every day overcoming challenges, thoughts, and feelings but always there in the back ground is the circle of negative thoughts trying to take back control.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a deep feeler, and could shut off the sensitive part of myself, but I can’t because that is who I am.
I am now just going to relax as much as I can give myself a break, in thinking. Go with the flow.
Maybe it’s just a big bear hug from my hubby that will settle this worrisome and uneasy feeling that is encroaching again I can’t explain it, it is something that is there like when you are awaiting some very important news and you don’t know if it will be bad or good, it’s a feeling I know well.
It was always there when you visit a doctor or wait to pick up your kids from school and they walk towards you. Sometimes they deliver something bad and sometimes they surprise you with unexpected positive news. This has been my life for so long now I don’t know any different.
Any way I will be sharing photo’s and the day with you all.
Maybe if others are on this journey either with diagnosis , writing a book,
Or starting something out of your comfort zone even though these feelings and emotions are there it is worth every second of pain and struggle to get there, never give up despite it. Be bold be you as you are.
All my love