Writing the Emo book was as much about finding myself as it was about helping my family, All the things to do with writing it and the go fund me updates and raising the publishing fees have not only sharpened my brain they have in turn really helped with regaining the happy memories that were hidden by the years of struggling to get support.
Understanding a new way of looking at the world with fresh eyes and a lighter heart, a stronger personality. It is funny really that this journey has personally helped me a lot,i am no longer worried about my writing and issues i had with it, little by little it is improving it flows in my head so easily i am just learning how to get it down on paper.
my physical health is going from strength to strength i am no longer extremely under weigh, and i am now just a few pounds away from my ideal weight a healthy weight,
under weight because of an invisible bug, that acted like a cancer and for a moment that was a big possibility getting the news it was not was the wake up moment to take better care of myself as i have so many depending on me to be strong, the book is nearing the finishing stages i still have £945 left to raise a little anxious about that but will carry on persevering as i know my book deserves to have its place out there among others it is a stand alone book in a big world with many books and many stories each book as important as another to build up a bigger picture of what goes on in the world of families on the spectrum.
There are so many vast views of it, so many different perspectives, their is the most important view and that is the view of the actually autistic person, there is the view of the parents, the view of the professionals and schools, lots of people on many different pages seeing it in their own way and trying to fight to have there lives valued as those with out these different minds and ways of being, it is great to be an advocate for my children in this but i am not speaking for them, as they can speak for themselves when they are ready too, in the mean time what they let me know i try to convey their voice and mine as their mother the best i can. I also read the tweets and here the tweets or Facebook posts or news stories on these thing and i really take in everything that is said by all.
I know i will probably get it wrong or use the wrong terminology sometimes but that i think is OK because it is still a learning curve and probably always will be just like it is for my children as they grow in to young adults and manoeuvre their way around the thing we call society and life. many challenges and experiences they have yet to do and learn, if they fall i will be their to lift them, if their sad, i will try my best to make them smile, if their angry i will give them the space they need, when they want to talk i will sit and listen if they dont i will sit in silence and just be present,whatever i never give up on anything or anyone. That is me who i am a woman with a big heart and a lot of love to give, an outstretched hand of friendship to those who may need it.
It may only be in messages or through my writing it maybe through sharing our lives so others dont feel they are alone on their journey, or that someone has been where they are an have come out the other side a more confident and competent parent of children with additional needs, an advocate someone who will not just raise awareness on awareness months or days but every day until the world sees these special individuals for who they are, and accepts and includes regardless of personal feelings, regardless of sex ,age, race or religion .
This is who i want to be and who i will be .
many thanks for taking the time to read.