You think I am blind to many things I am not, you think I don’t notice the way your eyes move I see.
The way you yours eyes sometimes look blank but other times they sparkle.
The tiny little dimples as the side of your mouth curls into the tiniest smile you don’t want me to see when I say something I shouldn’t.
The way the tip of your toung touches your nose when you are concerntraiting,or the way it goes into your right cheek when I have said something that makes you cross I notice.
The way you try hard to make perfect meals which I always enjoy as they make me feel cared for.
The way you do little jobs, the way when I say something is important you seem to take notice.
The way you sleep slightly like a frog, with your hands clasped together the noises you make that make me feel safe because it signals your close by even if your in another room the little clicking noise your mouth makes when you sleep.
I see I notice and I simply love.
The way my heart beats when you are near.
The way you make me angry, over the simplistic of things the way you make my coffee dilibratly putting less sugar than I like because maybe you care enough for me to lower my intake.
The one worded text when you want me to get something that suddenly has the word please when I don’t answer, I notice.
The way you treat my family with respect and kindness when they visit,
The way you stood by my side at the the funerals. I noticed the way you said goodbye to our baby and let me cry I noticed.
I notice and I love so much that you over the last couple of weeks have said are you ok.
I notice that you get cross when I don’t manage to eat all my dinner, or if I forget to eat.
I notice how you make our kids laugh, i notice that your trying harder each day To do a little more, it makes me love you more, I notice that I am once again seeing glimpses of the man who captured my soul all those years ago.
The great sense of humour, you have had me in fits of giggles even when I am on my own I remember,the music it coming back slowly day by day something you did before me and with me, the memories of the good old times before we met, the fact is I don’t want to push you away anymore.
Slowly I am able to open up and share more each day, the way you push me forward into a new way of life a stronger mother wife and person.
I see you deeply more than you know,I know your strengths and your weaknesses as you do mine.
The way you demand eye contact when I doubt myself, the way you say I shouldn’t hide what i feel, but sometimes you know I do, even with you , I love you completely.
Our souls know each other even when we don’t talk they know what the other is feeling without words, but by facial expressions.
The way I know you hate me mumbling as I walk away, we both know I do it when I am annoyed at you.
When you boss me too much I tell you off, I like it and hate it at the same time.
I love that you noticed even if I am angry at others I don’t put it out there for them to see, you told me you like that and I do what I do best focus on the love I feel instead.
I love your rugged look and you clean shaven look, your strong hands the way we work together in the kitchen without even being fully conscious of doing it, I love the way you sometimes knowkwhat iiam trying to say before I do I know you know, when I say sometimes it’s what I really meanit just comes out wrong. You come and take over the kitchen it gives me a chance to check you out when your back is turned I sit there like a love struck teen meeting her man for the first time. Everyday to me feels like the first day, you have penerntrated my mind more than you know you in my mind when we are together when we are apart and even when we sleep.
What is this spell you have cast over me since we met.
How do I still feel this way, how does it bother me that I still want to impress your family when you tell me not to worry about that.
When you tell me I can say or write what I want, even if it may upset others, this is truly how you know me how you have always none me.
I have these feeling that reach from the top of my head to the tips of my toes it’s like pins and needles so I look away so you don’t see how you affect me. I don’t want your head to grow big.
How to me you are my hero you were then and now and forever.
You know I hid my intellegant away because that is how I thought it should be,
We’ll look at me now and how far I have come you may not support me publically but privately you do.
I love just sitting in the lounge and watching the car programs or sci-fi or
Action movies or even the Disney films we seem drawn to even when the kids aren’t in the room.
So you see my love I see, I feel, I love,
Others may not understand us but they don’t need to for Thier is just you the person me the person our children that are with each other each and every day.
I don’t quite understand why you get angry when I say I make sacrifices for you all to me there unimportant because the only important thing to me is you and our kids. Yes now I have a book close to being realsed and you pushed me forward because you believe not only in me but the book at times when I wanted to not carry on you give me the kick I need.
Your barriers are tough to break though but I shall never give up that they will fall again oneday when the time is right untill then I shall do what my heart and soul feels like.
That is waiting with dignity grace and love I can’t promise silence and I can’t promise I won’t forget my words or get toung tied around you as that as you know for me would be impossible to keep,with you all though they sometimes come out muddled it is only because you fluster me in the right way the way your husband should.
You seem to know instantly my thought patterns before they even begin, the love letters I used to write in the beginning seem to be given me the ability to write now like I did then.
I want to thank you for all you brought to my life which is so much more than you know, it’s not about what you supply in the sense of old fashioned thinking of material things it the feeling of being free you have always made me feel.
I know you won’t get to see this as you don’t read unless I show you this is one I will hold on to here untill I know your ready to here.
Always and forever
s a wedding song said I still can see your smile.
Always your Faye xx