Book writing, and what it means to me, not sure if other writers feel the same.

I have learned so very much along the way to becoming a published author still a couple of months away and still more money to raise to make it finally happen,

what i have learned in not only writing my book. but also the updates to my go fund me is to be a writer you have to put your heart and soul into it, but also the parts of you personality that start coming through that you share with no-one not even the loved ones that surround you each day, your inner most thoughts and feelings whether they are good or bad right or wrong. There is that little part of yourself you always hold back in fear of rejection in fear of others truly seeing the real you.

I have loved and hated this journey multiple times a day doubts creep in often then the logical part of my brain kicks in and tells the fears to go away, or my hubby helps me realise how stupid i am actually being. In a lot of ways he is the only one that realy gets me from the moment i met him he got into part of my soul and realy sees the whole me, something if i am completely honest i dont always like,because i dont want him to see me weak, i want him to see the strong feisty woman that i am inside. what is in my head is not always, comes out of my mouth, we spent many times before meetings at the schools going over what to say i always said it right in front front of him, but for some reason in meetings i became a mouse and let everyone else push their wants and needs over what was right for my kids. i just seemed to crumble in that situation , then i would come home and say it happened like we discussed before but i was in denial, not wanting him to see i backed down and crumbled again, somewhere along the journey my confidence was wrecked.

Somewhere along the journey i lost my ability to laugh be goofy to stand up for what i wholeheartedly believed in i let the schools and others dictate how i should act think and feel how i should be doing things their way, but i tried it their way for years and all it led to was exclusions me dropping everything and running every time my child would not start their work. education dangled like a carrot if my child acted “normal” if my child became like everyone else or they cant be educated.

They wanted me to sign a bit of paper saying three adults can can physically out there hands on my child and hold them they say for their own safety and others but is it realy or is more that they cant handle the emotions it makes them feel and they react a certain way which escalates the fight and flight response, in my child, think of it a different way would we as an adult like it if three large people came at us grabbing hold of our arms legs and taking us to the floor or chair pinning us down so we cant escape, why would we not feel threatened degraded in front of our peers.

why does seem the only way adults think it helps our most vunarebal students to do that

where do you think our special needs students see violence and copy as away to defend themselves against bigger stronger people they are supposed to trust to help they are supposed to open up and ask for help from, why would they even go to them if they violate them in this way, there are many ways of dealing with these situation without the use of restraints and the big one is adults changing their own behaviour , talking telling the child its OK and their safe asking them what they need right in that moment and not deciding it for them, when these situations arrive and they can the truth is many times a day. We as parents no it can affect other students in the class when this happens but the priority should be to deescalate the the issue by not using threats of detention or being sent home or being restrained it does not help  the child to calm it only lights the flame to the behaviour getting pass the point of return. that is not helpful to student or class mates or even the teachers them self as in that moment the trust they worked build is lost and they have to waist time starting from the beginning again.

I write what i feel at any given moment sometimes without clear direction of where it will end up but it is just that something in my head at the time i sit with my computer or a pen and paper.

I know the things my kids have learnt at school, is not always what it should be the very positive end of year reports we had in the early years changing once others started seeing the differences and difficulties coming through before we would turn up at parents evenings and the children’s advance marks across the board on everything seemed to equate to great parenting, then suddenly it`s like we are bad parents because they dont achieve the results that shine a positive light on the school, so our kids must be abused at home or neglected or is it because we come from a low income family.

when did schools suddenly change from fun caring nurturing environments that stretch our kids with music and arts and maths and English and creativity, as a parent i know its when you took away their imagination and essays and the creativity and made it all about high pressured tests repeating the same work over and over so the schools dont get down graded for under performing, statistics show more children then ever are having mental health issues or being diagnosed with these conditions but the support and funding was taken to make them academies which was realy meant to enhance our children learning but infact has degraded our children learning and taken away their right to full time education ts stripped them of self worth and self esteem.

Yes their was issues with the old system and it needed updating but you just need to look around you at the affects on our children and society as a whole these changes have made.

I think this is on my mind at the moment because annual reveiws are coming up and i know this time i cant crumble and back down on what i know is best for my child schools come and go teachers come and go but “MUM” is always the one left picking up the mess others create and walk away from Mum is always the one that has to help rebuild their children’s self esteem  and mum is always their and dependable.

have a beautiful day